What the impressionist painter, Paul Gauguin, encapsulated as, “Le laid peut-etre beau…” Translation: The ugly can be beautiful…..When I lean deep into my emptiness I scratch a surface that is barren. Which is lonely yet lovely, grey and brown yet almost silver and striking. In it is a sadness. But the ugly can be beautiful. The dark can give birth to life. Suffering can deliver grace. Deep inside is a place so empty it hurts, so foreign I needn’t travel aboard to feel it. Not wanting to bother anyone with my presence or needs. To become invisible. To feel no possibilities. To have no option, to be empty. Is solitude this crystal clear yet a muggy dark place where there is no vision or knowledge? There is no warmth but a total lack of completion.    

 

  Life is stil good. Amidst the turmoil of despair, bad health, loneliness, abandonment, hunger, sadness, anger, loss of life, hate and oh so much more pain of living.

 As I wake this morning I feel all alone in this world. I wander this world all alone. Mentally I know we are all connected and that there are billions of people I share this planet with. Yet I want and need to feel separate from all. I need and want my own identity. I feel whole and complete even though I am hurting or alone. How does one survive a double mastectomy and the loss of your son to a herion overdose? How do you rise above the sorrow? The world is full of sadness yet in the pain is still joy and gratitude for just life. And I want to be connect to life. I want to live! When joy departs to soon and trouble stays too long.

   
 
Fall in love ! What a wonderful feeling to fall in love with your life all over again. Renewing the connection between me and the Holy Spirit.  Even in the midst of turmoil you can find your core your center and be truly who you are. Kiss the joy as it flies and know you are doing it is self realization. 

To come home and feel truly connected and wholly loved.

To experience the fullness of living

  Ever be filled with the spirit 

Keep gratitude in your heart

Singing a song

Making up a tune 

Thank you for this little one.

  me in my younger happier days, like today!

  Tolerance and patience are wonderful activities to practice 

Yielding to God’s almighty power in my life is an act of worship.

  Nothing new under the sun here just the same yet different realization that you can trust the process, there is strength in weakness, have confidence in change, choose to be real, and vulnerable. Just to live is a holy experience. 

Just remember that when you are painfully honest the person only remembers the pain not the honesty.

I’m not there yet but I want to be. Knowing that it’s all right where I find myself.

Yoga today she said there are two moments in your life that you can control the here and now. 

So believing that I can step away from the constant and into the flow.

The truth is pray take a moment of silence and attain that sense of significance that is you in the here and now. 

  Wonderful warm and wide open 

Was the day

Front start to finish 

It was always going my way

Early on the morning

Late into the night

Remembrance 

Refreshes in warmth of the light

Pure joy 

Why am I so blessed

To live this exact time

A world of wonder

So full of loves signs

I think to myself 

What a wonderful world

More than enough wealth

And it’s all mine

  I throw up my hands and give it to you.  Here you take it! I’m not carrying the pain around anymore!  Joy is like a muscle it must be exercised too! I’m not simply waiting for it to happen. I claim it along with the peace of God as mine this day.  Where eerily  I turn I choose happiness. I am stubborn about gratitude in my life. This is my journey and I am always surrounded by the most loving relationships. Okay I’ll help you carry yours if you help me carry mine?